Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Kitsch-en Kounter: "Give Me LIBERTY [Jell-O] or Give Me Death!!!"

Call it a fixation, if you must, but there is nothing wrong with a grown man constantly thinking about the evolutionary trajectory of a Barbie/princess cake.

If you've been playing along at home, you may recall Blinky,
the Bearded-Lady Cake, who was the centerpiece of our Family 
Freak Show Birthday Party.

Our friend's recent marionette wedding at the Bob Baker
Marionette Theater resulted in this naughty, little nuptial-
themed number. 

Left with the other half of the doll that I used for the groom's legs (above), I pondered the potential for the remaining torso, arms, and head.  This year it was clear that we should celebrate that bastion of hope and freedom, The Statue of Liberty.  With a Barbie cake always on my mind, I was confident I had at least one half (the top half) of our 4th of July Kitsch-en Kounter recipe all ready to go.

Well...almost all ready to go.
I had to drape a toga, steal the finial from a small flag for the torch, permanently
bend one arm, and make a tablet and the iconic coronet out of chip board.  In a
time when some of our most prominent celebrities are transitioning, I didn't give
a second thought to using this violet-haired man for the the Statue of Liberty;
indeed, they both share that same square-jaw, strong nose, and full lips - a
Classical profile is timeless and of free from gender...plus it's the only doll
torso I had in stock... 

And then it was time to paint.
Because realism is so vital to our Kitsch-en Kounter mission, I couldn't just
paint the darn thing green.  First I applied a few light coats of metallic, gold
spray paint.  The verdigris was achieved with a wash of acrylic craft paint in
Caribbean Blue.  Yes, realism is paramount to our operation...with food
safety taking a distant second.

Cake would have been the obvious choice for Liberty's nether regions but I wanted something that truly screamed 4th of July!!!  Instead of cake, I decided to further along the Barbie cake's evolution by once again exploring the possibilities of America's favorite gelatinous food medium - Jell-O.

'Merica
To give the lime-flavored gelatin some opacity, I added
a can of sweetened, condensed milk.  To get a color match,
I added a few drops of aqua food coloring.

Up until this point, I had everything I needed on-hand to complete the craft/recipe.  Strangely enough, I hadn't considered a mold.  And what would a Jell-O mold be, after all, without a mold?  That's right...just Jell-O.

After much ferreting around in the deep recesses of the cupboards, I came up empty handed.  I needed a Jell-O mold with some height and a bit of movement and texture to evoke the sweeping skirts of our statuesque inspiration.  And then a strange thing happened; I remembered the best-selling vase from the home-furnishings retailer in which I worked many years ago.  It was the correct height and had the organic fluting that I wanted.  With no hope of finding the vase, I resigned myself to a hopeless search through the local thrift stores for something that might work.  Believe it or not, the very first store into which I set foot yielded the exact vase for which I was looking - an unprecedented bit of good luck!!!

Sometimes I wish my luck would operate on a grander scale...but for today, I suppose this will do.

See those undulating lines?
Don't they remind you of the Statue of Liberty's skirt too?!!!

Given that this was a glass vase (with a thick-sham base and all that fluting) rather than an aluminum Jell-O mold, I was more than slightly nervous about un-molding my creation.  After 24 hours in the fridge, I gingerly set the vase into a sink full of warm water and said a quick prayer to the statue's first sculptor, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi.

Prayers are answered, folks.

Moments later, after a fair bit squelching, I was looking at the
wobbly beginnings of our lime Jell-O Lady Liberty!

Just like Bartholdi and the French government before me, it had come time to assemble my statue and present it as a gift to the people of America - but not without some finishing touches.

Did I paint a birthday candle and cut it down so Lady Liberty
would have a functioning torch?  You'd better believe it, buster.

No Jell-O salad would be complete without a garnish.  I used curly parsley
and maraschino cherries - exactly like Liberty Island in New York Harbor.

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your [jiggling] masses, yearning to [eat] free..."

Heck, with phrases like that, the Statue of Liberty sounds like she's talking about "People Like You and Me."


"People Like You and Me" - The Glenn Miller Orchestra in Orchestra Wives

Happy 4th of July, you wacky tacky turkey necks!!!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

10 comments:

  1. Holy moly that is awesome! Chris, you never cease to amaze me with your fantastically kitschalicious concoctions.

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  2. This is so creative! The craft Gods were looking down on you with that vase! Happy 4th Mr. Tiny!

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  3. I am so freakin' proud to be an american and follow your blog! This may be my favorite kitsch thing you have made! SO GOOD!

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    1. Thanks, Kimmie...and now I'll have "I'm Proud to be an American" in my head ALL DAY LONG!!!! Hahaha!!!

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  4. Mr. Tiny, you are a national treasure. Your dedication to edible doll creations is unparalleled.

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    1. A NATIONAL TREASURE like Nicolas Cage?!?!! I'll take it! Thanks, Rae!

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  5. BRILLIANT!

    your creativity never ceases to amaze me, keep up the great work! =)

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